Kelly Clarkson Sober (video)

basag

ako ngayon.


pero konti na lang mabubuo din ako. konting panahon na lang. at ngayon pipilitin kong buohin yung mga nagkalat kong piraso. ang tanga ko talaga kasi. dati naman ikaw mismo nag aabot ng mga maliliit na pirasong yun, nag iinarte lang ako kaya ayaw kong kunin. pakiramdam ko kasi nun di na ako yung taong dapat mag may ari ng medal. kasi wala naman akong ibang ginawa kundi saktan ka. habang abalang abala ka sa kakamartilyo tapos kakadecorate ng mundo ko, ako naman si pampam, namimili ng mga palawit para sa mundo ng iba. salabahe ako. pinitk kita ng patalikod. pero ni minsan di mo pinakitang namula ang tenga mo. pilit mo pa rin akong pinayungan sa lahat ng sakit. salbahe talaga ako.

kapag nabuo ko ulit ang sarili ko, promise di na kita paiiyakin. babawi ako. kahit ako na maglaba ng mga medyas mo araw araw. kahit ako na magluto ng pagkain mo sa almusal, sa tanghalian pati sa hapunan. kahit ako na rin ang bumili ng balang ibabaril mo sakin. basta babawi ako.

kapag nabuo ko kaya ulit ang sarili ko.....

ako na mismo ang bibili ng singsing na isusuot mo sakin. hindi pa ngayon. pero in time masasabi ko din tong linyang to "im ready to spend the rest of my life with you"














asan ka na kaya? di na kita natsasansingan.

a single lie

TRUTH


may mga bagay na nagbabago.
totoo. lahat ng bagay dito sa earth pwedeng magbago. yung dating bungi, pwedeng magkangipin after 10 years. tapos yung dating pangit pwedeng maging maganda, yung dating wasak ang puso, kapag nakakilala ng taong magkukumpuni ng sira, pwedeng maging buo ulit. yun namang akala mo nakahiga na sa alapaap, hahalik pa din yan sa lupa pagkalipas ng tatlong segundo. ganon kabilis magbago ang mga bagay. dati masaya ka, pwedeng sa mga susunod na araw kakain ka ng aspili. walang di nagbabago. kasama na dun ang salitang "pag-ibig". hindi sa lahat ng oras hihiga ka sa kamang punong puno ng mga red petals. darating din ang panahon matututo kang mahiga sa kamang punong puno ng sipon(haha). wala lang. pwede naman yun di ba? manlalagkit ka din. at wala kang ibang choice kundi magpalit ng bed sheet. kasi yung kinasanayan mo, hindi na komportableng gamitin. malagkit na sa katawan. kung lalabhan mo man nakakadiri pa din. basta kahit pa anong sabihin ng ibang tao sakin, hindi magbabago ang pananaw ko tungkol dito. may mga bagay na nagbabago, wala kang magagawa para pigilan ito. acceptance lang.

nasa diksyunaryo ang salitang KOMPLIKADO.
may mga bagay naman talagang komplikado. kaya gigitna ako. hindi ko itataboy ang mga adan na mas gustong nakagown, hindi ko rin ibababa ang mga eba na mas komportableng nakapolo. hindi ko din sisigawan yung mga taong umiiyak dahil nababalot sila sa isang relasyon na mas magulo pa sa sitwasyon ng pilipinas. hindi rin ako galit sa may mga kabit, o sa may mga third party. tao sila. marupok. mahina. nagkakasala. at hindi sapat yun para husgahan sila. hindi rin ako galit sa sinungaling. sabi nga "what they doesn't know wont hurt them". wala namang taong hindi nagsisinungaling. human nature yun. kapag masyadong komplikado ang bagay wala ka namang ibang mabilisang paraang maiisip para makalusot. kagaya na lang ng biglaang pag-utot mo sa loob ng air conditioned room. hindi ka naman aamin lalo na kung katabi mo yung crush mo, palihim mong ituturo ang piping katabi mo. lahat tayo pwedeng maglagay ng status na "its COMPLICATED". may salitang ganun. naintindihan ko naman kayo.

mababago ng pag-ibig ang kahit sino.
kahit pa barumbado babait din. ang pari aalis sa simbahan, mamumuhay ng normal. ang mga adik, magagawa ding iparehab ang sarili, pero eto lang ang mga womanizer, sa takdang panahon magkaka AIDS din. hindi ako naniniwala sa "kaibigan" ko na nagsabing "sometimes love is not enough". para sakin laging sapat yun. kasi sa pagmamahal wla namang kulang. puro sobra pa nga. kapag kinulang ka. tanungin mo sa sarili mo kung mahal mo nga ba sya. laging sapat ang pag-ibig. sapat para maging masaya ka. para mag seryoso, para magmahal ng isa. para mahalin ng nag-iisa. SAPAT yun.




i hate you!

A

Ang sarap tingnan ng mga tala sa kalawakan
para silang kumakaway
kumikindat, ngumingiti
kumakanta ng rock
tumatanggap ng request
subukan natin
gusto ko pumikit ang taong
unang magbabasa ng tulang ito
tapos isipin nya
na hawak ko ang kanang palad nya
pinapakinggan nya ang kanta ko
dinaramdam ang malamig na hangin
sumasabay sa musika
gusto ko maniwala sya
sa lahat ng iguguhit kong pangako
sa madilim na kalangitan
tatango, sasagot ng "OO, nararamdaman kita"
gusto ko pagdilat ng mata nya
mauunawaan nya ang lahat lahat
ang pagbulong ng hangin
ang halik
ang mga guhit sa kalawakan
sa unang taong magbabasa ng tulang ito
isang yakap lang
kasabay ng pagkindat ng mga tala sa kalangitan

B

Blue moon
ang gandang pagmasdan
ang gandang ilarawan
ang perperktong hugis
ang matingkad na ilaw
ang dalawang magkaibang persona
na nakatitig sa kabilugan
kung may hihilingin man ako
gusto kong makasama
ang unang taong magbabasa
ng tulang ito
habang sabay kaming nakatitig sa kawalan
sabay gagawa ng alaala
sabay magbibilang ng tawa
minsan lang daw lumitaw ang "blue moon"
kaya gusto ko sana
andyan sya...
ang taong unang magbabasa ng tulang ito
BLUE MOON kasama ka
may spaghetti
may pizza
may mountain dew
may IKAW...

cease fire

masaya pala kapag humuhupa na ang gyera. pero mas masaya pa din kapag may nagwawagayway ng puting tela. yung tipong may sumusuko para maiwasan ang mga masasakit na balang pwedeng dumapo sa katawan mo. sa balikat. sa ulo. sa puso. masaya.

sa lahat ng away natin pakiramdam ko yung puting panyo ko lang ang laging nakikita. pero okay lang yun. ang importante sakin andyan ka. hawak pa rin kita. natatanaw ko pa rin ang ulo mo. nakikita ko pa rin ang mga ngiti mo. yun naman ang mahalaga. para sakin IKAW ang pinakamahalaga. okay lang kahit malusaw na ang pride ko. basta alam ko mahal mo ko.

sapat na sakin yun...

MAHAL at MAHALAGA

Tinanong mo ko "bakit mo ba ako mahal" sinagot kita "kasi tanga ako". Ganun naman talaga. May kahinaan ako pagdating sa kahit anong salitang mag uugnay sa kahulugan ng pag-ibig. Hindi ako eksperto dun. Alam mo yun. Madalas nga naiisip ko na BOBO ako. Kasi hindi ko maspell ng tama ang word na "love". Nangangapa ako lagi. Hindi ko makuha yung mga tamang letra. Namimisplaced. Minsan yung "L" napupunta sa dulo tapos yung "O" sa huli. Wala sa ayos. Wala sa format. Basta hindi sakto. Hindi ko din alam ang tamang formula ng "LOVE". Madalas kasi puro substraction saka division lang ang nangyayari. Kahit kailan hindi ako nakapag lagay ng "PLUS SIGN". Hindi tuloy mabuo ang equation. Kaya kahit ang haba haba ng equation ko, hindi ko pa rin masolved. Kasi hindi rin naman ako marunong magsubstitute ng value. Ganun ako kabobo.

Naalala ko sabi ng ex boyfriend kong si BOB ONG, "kung bibigyan ka ng isang milyon kapalit ng isang importanteng bagay na gustong gusto mong gawin, hindi mo madaling ipagpapalit yun". Ganun ako. Mahal kita at mahal ko din ang keyboard at computer ko. Mahal ko ang lahat ng letra at numerong nakalagay sa ibabaw ng keyboard ko. Kasi dun ko lang nabubuo ang mga salitang gusto kong sabihin kapag galit ako, kapag inspired ako, kapag inlove. Magkaiba kayo. MAHAL KITA. MAHALAGA SAKIN ANG PAGSUSULAT KO. Kung hindi mo pa rin makuha ang pagkakaiba nun, siguro nga mahina ako. Hindi ako magaling mag explain. Isa lang ang alam ko. Pwede kong pagsabayin yun. Hindi ko kailangang mamili. Sana kahit minsan lang. Maspell ko sayo ng tama ang "LOVE". Malay mo mabigyan mo din ako ng tamang solution sa napakahabang equation.

Magtulungan naman tayo. Pwede ba yun? Pakokopyahin kita. Pakopyahin mo ako. Hindi ko kasi kaya ng mag isa lang. Tulungan mo naman ako.

brat

alam mo ba ang pakiramdam ng maghintay? well obviously hindi. ni minsan hindi ka naman naghintay eh. nasanay ka na lahat ng bagay na gustuhin mo iaabot na lang sayo. brat. ni minsan hindi mo din naramdamang maghintay ng nag iisa. hindi.kahit kailan. walang nagparamdam sayo ng ganyan. masarap ba ang pakiramdam na nagbibigay pugay sayo ang mga taong nasa paligid mo? brat. natutuwa ka ba sa tuwing umaasa ako? syet ulit brat.

brat ka. oo brat ka. saksak mo sa ulo mo kung gano ka kabrat. kasalanan ko. hindi kita sineta sa umpisa pa lang. hinayaan kong diktahan mo ang buhay ko. pero ngayon kasi...umaapaw na. kung di mo sana kayang iparamdam na mas importante ako kaysa sa gold, sana di mo na lang ako hinawakan. okay na ako eh. tapos nagdrama ka. sana hindi na lang.

brat

never heard this word for the past 15 years

Replica…

It’s funny that some people would actually hide their real uniqueness in a place where the sun couldn’t reach their skin, while their replica takes pleasure in swimming and dancing at a range of place in this planet. Have you ever tried to pretend to be someone you are not just to be ideal? For the fear that the person you like will not recognize you for being “YOU” and that the person you find irresistible will not walk with you in the same course. And which could be more painful, to pretend that you are somebody else in the eyes of the person you love or to just simply acknowledge the fact that no matter what you do, he will not fall for you, that life is full of sick people and not everyone will be given the suitable dosage of cure.


Life is somehow unfair…

When you finally settled on the idea of being perfectly fine even without the person you considered half of your life, that same person will not be pleased just seeing you weep because they still want you to bleed.

When you try to give everything they’ll still be asking you to wrap the universe and box the stars. I have never seen contentment for the past 15 years…well did you?

tumangkad ka ba?

Naisip kita kagabi. Hindi ako makatulog. Hindi ko alam basta pakiramdam ko hindi na kita hawak. Tipong lumuwag na yung tali. Dati kasi nasanay ako na lagi lang nakatali ang kamay ko sayo. Bawat hinga mo alam ko. Mabilis kong nalalanghap ang gas na nilalabas mo kapag kinakabahan ka. Madali ko ding naaamoy ang paborito mong perfume na halos isang taon mo na ring tinitipid. Dati dikit na dikit tayo. Halos hindi na nga ako makagalaw. Kaya piglas ako ng piglas. Nahihirapan kasi akong huminga. Pakiramdam ko lagging may camera sa paligid ko. Konting galaw ko lang pwede akong mapatawan ng parusa. Hindi ko tuloy maenjoy ang earth kapag nakaside view. Puro harap lang kasi nakikitako. Hirap kasi akong gumalaw.

Dati yun. Iba na kasi ngayon. Pakiramdam ko kumalas na yung tali. Maluwang na. Kaya ko ng baliin ang kamay ko. Nakakamot na ako sa ulo. Nakakatanggal ng kulangot sa public place. Malaya ko ng naigagalaw ang kamay ko. Wala na akong boss. Hindi ko na kailangang sumunod sa lahat ng utos mo.

Pero nakakapanibago. Hindi siguro ako sanay ng malaya. Gusto ko lagi mo kong dinidiktahan. Hindi ko alam kong gusto ko talaga. Siguro nasanay lang ako na para akong nasa selda. Kaya ngayong medyo nabigyan ng parol, pakiramdam ko bago lahat ng nakikita ko. Takot na takot akong humawak ng kahit anong palamuting nakikita ko sa parke. Baka kasi biglang may humuli sakin. Ganun ang epekto ng FREEDOM ko. Para akong bagong salta. Aanga anga. Madaling maloko. Magogoyong kahit sinong mas bobo pa sakin. Ikaw rin ba ang may gawa ng traumang ito?
Hindi ko alam kung nasan ka ngayon. Nasa malayo.nasa malapit. Wala akong idea. Basta ang alam ko wala na akong mahawakang tali. Kapag biglang bumaha at inanod ka, hindi na kita mahihila pabalik sa dati mong property.
Pa banat na lang.

Tumangkad ka ba? Bakit parang hindi ka na kasya sa puso ko.

vindictive

The sad little me…with a sad little thoughts…in this big big vindictive world


I hate the stars tonight…the moon and the stars are just but loud liars.

I found myself building my own space for sanctuary, away from the crowd. I feel better off this way. The deafening silence has been with me all the time. I refused to talk with anybody, besides they won’t give me answers to my never ending questions. I let them feel I am in the state of losing my sense of hearing. I refused to listen to them; because if I did, I would continue feeling this agony…if I did, I would end up hurting my poor heart again and again…then I could die! I will surely die. I was desperate…I know I was. It breaks my heart every time I blew wishes in the air. I know none of them will ever come true. I hate this crazy odd feeling…it corrupts my empty brain. It made me even weaker. It kills me…

I’ll be counting more years…another heartbreaking year…more tears and more pains. There’ll be another ghost story to reveal…another lonely soul, another empty me. I never stop building my own world…my heaven on earth…my utopia in this universe. I feel like I’m a prisoner trapped in this empty jail. Yes…I feel like I’m free though my hands are on chains.

Did I ever confess I am dying to have Adam Sandler’s remote control? Just so I could edit my damn crazy life? Just so I could move forward to the happy days, and escape the times I could have been mourning with the fact that I am not ever contented with the way I designed my life. This was all sort of a fraud. How I wished I could have that same remote so I could skip those days when my background music was all but heart-breaking sounds. I wish I could not be hearing this same old song that smashed my soul apart. How I wish I could have that remote so I could delete your presence. With that I may not be feeling this agony. Without you I may have not be like this…a modern day zombie.

I had been too busy minding this emotional wound, so I failed to see the beauty of life. I couldn’t even write something good about my life. Was there any? I refused to write happy ending stories, because truth of the matter…happiness for me doesn’t exist. I mean it does, but then you left…then there was darkness.

Again I am writing down my thoughts…my sad thoughts…this sad poetry…


Haven't seen the blue sky lately,
Darkness keeps on haunting me,
And you were like a ghost…
I see you even on my dreams
Your memories stay behind this dark empty place
I can still feel you, though you’re nowhere near.
Haven’t heard your famous song today,
Those lines that never fades,
And the voice I know I can’t embrace…
Each time my soul feels such wretchedness,
Each time my heart feels so much barrenness
And each night my cries became worthless.
Haven’t seen your crazy smile,
That passionate look in your eyes,
That extreme stare you used to give,
I’ve never felt that crazy odd feeling again
I’ve lost my smile…
You took it away…
And I will never felt those feelings again…
I will never have my blue skies back,
I will never hear you singing again,
I will never see your smile; I will never smile again…
I will be building a world of my own…
I will be leaving the world of the living…
I surrender…

I hate the stars. None of my wishes did ever come true.

JETAIME PRINCESS

unedited
short story ko nung first year college. dami grammatical errors. ang saya. nyahaha

"I chose to love you in silence for in silence I found no rejection, in silence no one owns you but I"

My life has never been better ever since I felt this guilt. It kills me. It was eating my body, my brain, my poor heart. It was like a dagger to my soul. It was like hell living here alone, living with fears. I hear voices everywhere. It was a loud scream of emptiness...of hatred...of denial. I would never feel any better if I continue listening to what my heart dictates because if I did, the pain would continue to eat my entirety. If I did, you would hate me and I would blow my chance again...my chance of having you.

I would always stay at the AMS lobby whenever the clock pointed at five, because I know you would be passing again...but with your boyfriend. I feel satisfied admiring you in a distance. I feel very much satisfied seeing you wearing your conservative outfits. I feel very much attracted every time you flip your long black hair. Your smile was irresistible and although it was not for me, I would love to carry it into my favorite sanctuary, the bench nearby. Your morena complexion compliments your angelic face. I would always have my eyes with you until you're comfortably seated at the exclusive tambayan.

Who would not admire a conservative beauty queen? Who would not be impressed with your scholastic standing? Who would not love a down to earth person? Who would not wish to have you? Who would not feel the way I feel for you? Nobody...yet nobody would also dare to pursue you, even me. I must admit, I have fallen for you the first time we met. There seem to be no day I didn't wish to see you. I became obsessed on knowing your whereabouts. And oh I remember I haven't taken my midterm exam just to see you have your farewell walk as the reigning beauty queen in one of the most prestigious beauty title at school. It really sounds absurd but its true. I am really crazy for you!

I haven't got the courage to stand on what I feel, it was a sort of a wishful thinking. You seem to be a dream and an air. I could not touch you. I could just look at your angelic face. I could just whisper "I love this girl". I could not own you because you belong to somebody else. You belong to him...my great dear best friend. Sorrowful, isn't it? I have loved a girl whom I know would never be mine at all. It would be too impossible for her to fall for me. I was not like my best friend. I don't have any fancy car or even fashionable clothes to wear. All I have are these thick-disgusting eyeglasses. With that I would never have the chance of being with you. You wouldn't also dare to love me.

Just when I thought fate would not allow us to be together it did. It was one fine evening when I saw you sitting on my favorite bench. I was surprised to see you with a somber face. I was not going to come nearer 'till you asked me to sit with you. Without any hesitation you told me that Marco, my best friend was cheating on you.

"My boyfriend cheated on me"
"Did my best friend really did that?"

I remember you were really shock upon hearing that Marco was my best friend

"He is your best friend?"
"Yeah, of course you would not believe me because were quite opposite, but that's the truth"
"How come he never introduced me to you?"
"I asked him not to…I was too shy to meet a beauty queen"

After mentioning the word beauty queen you laughed unconvincingly and I got carried away. After that night we have been constantly meeting on that same bench where you cried your heart out. It was then the fulfillment of a long dream-that of being with you. Then one day I just woke up in reality, we can never really be together. I saw you with Marco and I knew everything was fine between the two of you. I guess my only consolation is that finally Marco had formally introduced me to you.

"You've met Mickey, right?"
"Of course" she quipped

I could have allowed every tear to flow freely in my eyes but I didn't. They should not know what I feel. I must cover up the pain. I must live in pretensions. I am not ready to hear your silly laugh. I am not ready to face humiliation. For too many reasons I am not ready to face any failure. Just when I thought I could keep my long time secret, I failed. It was raining so hard, I was so wet and I needed a place to dry up and keep my body warm. Marco's boarding house was not that far from where I am standing at, so then I hurriedly went to his place. I excitedly opened his room's door when I saw him holding my journal.

"Where did you get that thing?!"
"I found it in your locker"
"You stole it?"
"Hey whats the big deal? Are you mad because I found out your secret love…God, you’re in love with my girl friend?!"
"You're not supposed to read that!"
"Come on. I know you're secret, and I would tell her. You're crazy. She would never fall for a nerd!"

That was the last word that came out from his mouth. He have ventured too much insult and for that I vowed revenge.

I am currently watching you at a distance. Although your face were covered with tears, you still look like a beauty queen you would always be the princess in my fantasy...my princess. Yet a prince could not allow her princess to cry-to mourn for a dead person. But then she did, and for that the feeling of guilt eats my body. It was that painful to see the only girl you have loved cry for somebody else. Its too painful to know I had killed my best friend in exchange of this damn unrequited love. Surprising but I did. I kill Marco, not only because he ventured insult upon me but also because he was a rival.

It was two years since his mysterious death. Two years and still you haven't knew I was crazy for you. I could not take another year. I could not let another dagger to my soul. I would have to finish my long fantasy, tomorrow you would never see me and I would end all this craziness. I might as well be contented adoring you in a distance. So that, nobody would know my own share of pain. You would never know I love you!

I died listening to the mourning of my princess...

kasalanan ko kung bakit ka umiiyak ng gabing yun

Ilang beses akong nagtangkang patawanin ka
Pero sa tuwing titingin ako sayo’y, ipipikit mo ang iyong mata
Kinakausap kita pero hirap na hirap kang lumingon
Hindi nga kita mahawakan, paano pa kaya kita maiaahon?

Ilang araw kong hinintay ang pagdating ng sabado
Para kasing sasabog na ang nararamdaman ko
Nung nakita kitang malungkot at nahihirapan
Hiniling kong sana lahat ng sakit sa akin na lang ipapasan

Ang dami ko rin pa lang pangarap na binitawan
Simula ng piliin nating magsama sa iisang daan
Limot ko na ngang minsan ginusto kong maging abugado
Kasi mas pinili kong maging pribadong tagapagtanggol mo

Nakalimutan ko na rin na marunong pala akong magsulat
Masyado kasi akong natuwang magpakalat kalat
Paborito pa nga nating tumabay sa may GT Tower sa ayala
Maghihintay ng sampung oras, hanggang sa sumapit ang umaga

Wala akong marinig na kung ano mang ingay na galing sayo
Tamang sumisigaw lang ang hangin sa tenga ko
Nakakapanibago kang tingnan, ang tahitahimik mo
Mas malakas pa nga ang hagupit ng ulan na gawa ng bagyo

Oo kasalanan ko kung bakit ka umiiyak nung gabing yun

Pero wala akong magawa para patigilin ka
Hindi ko kayang punasan ang mga luha mo sa mata
Lunod din ako, lito, hirap sa pag intindi sa nadarama
Pinipigil kong alisin lahat ng aking mga pangamba

Oo kasalan ko kung bakit ka umiiyak ng gabing yun

Gusto ko sanang lumingon

Pero naalala ko ang sinabi mo

“I’m sorry, hindi na pwedeng maging tayo”



Sana yakapin ka ng hangin…

the ugly truth

Ironic.

The person you wish to be with is too busy finding for the right person he can splurge his world. It’s not comical, it does hurt. But the pain wouldn’t lead you next to that person you love, it will only lead you to the place where screaming is not an option. No matter how hard you cry, still its ineffective. No one will try to listen except your shadow..the emo one.

When you try to repair something, you will only end up screwing everything. An attempt to fix a broken heart wouldn’t be a good idea because not all broken hearts prefers to be nurse back to health. Not all sick people would choose to recover, especially if they don’t find any reason to get back. And not all lost souls, would opt to find their way back home, simply because they would rather be lost than witness themselves in pain for the 81st time.

Not all smiles denote happiness. Most of the time it signifies ones failure, pain, suffering and stab to conceal sadness. Clark Kent wasn’t that happy every time he glimpsed at Lana, but he smiles every time she’s near. Imagine looking at the person you love, but not being strong enough to put your hands on her shoulder because she’s carrying with her your critical weakness. Painful.

And not all birthdays are happy…even when the world seems to be smiling at you.

the saddest news

I can’t look straight at the stars tonight. I even hate the moon. I would never try to gaze at them anymore. They were all loud liars…including you. I hate the way they make me believe that wishes do come true with just one glint of the star, with just one wink of the moon. I hate the way they try to give me false hopes. Worst, for making me believe I could still have you. I was left half paralyzed. My poor heart could no longer feel the pain you’ve caused me after you heroically recite your famous last words. I was left without anything but this pain…the purest.

I manage to keep the pain. I thought I was strong enough to pretend that it doesn’t even hurt. I pretend like I’m one of those people blessed with supernatural powers. I thought I could never bleed. Notwithstanding the entire shield I have with me, still, I have been wounded for the ninety eight times. I end up blowing wishes in the air. I wish we could have our happy ending. These wishes were all but a mere product of what they called wishful thinking.

I told you, not all stars are wish granters. Mine was on the blink.

Have I ever hit the right words?

Did I ever hit your heart rather?!

Last night I kept on bumping into my weirdest emotions. I kept pacing in my bed back and forth. I was lost for about an hour. It suddenly feels like the word has stopped spinning, and I was jammed here with nothing but heartaches. The darkness covers the entire room, making me feel blind, but right now I wished I was.

I was trying to read all your messages in my phone…repeatedly. Until I admit defeat.

Although I hate to look at the stars, I would still gaze at them, for the last time. Stars are only striking to look at, but no matter how hard I would try to reach them, they would never come down to sing with me your famous last words.

I blew my last wish.


LIRIKO:

You say you heard every word, but I watched you turn away
Your eyes grew colder than winter
"Love is so intrusive," I thought I heard you say
And laugh so unconvincingly
Famous last words, "I’m not ready yet"
"I won’t be gone a minute"
Narrow is the road and too high a price to pay
When loneliness is such a sanctuary
Empty are the musings and wasted are the days
When you say you were only waiting
And famous last words, "I’m not ready yet"
"I won’t be gone a minute" and I won’t forget
Famous last words
If tomorrow never comes, will I ever know that I was in love?
I was in love
In love
You say you heard every word, I watched you turn away
You were only waiting

JARS OF CLAY

I Lay Down My Arms

The rain had never stopped.

I remain standing outside this cast off vehicle, where we used to exchange some of our weird thoughts. It had been an inanimate witness of our relationship. This had been our sanctuary…our favorite sanctuary. It may not have eyes, but it sees every diminutive detail between us. It hears our pleas; our laughter’s…even the obnoxious sound of silence. I allow the rain to touch my entire body. I allow the rain to take the one important piece in me. I wish it could take my heart completely. I wish it could take away the part that was throbbing…and I wish…my one grand wish could come true.

10 months ago I was rescued from this vindictive planet. My heart was saved from feeling the same agony I had been keeping years ago. A superman had come into my mind made Smallville. Clark Kent had finally reached my dark place. I was rescued from darkness. For the Succeeding day I was happy. Finally there was brightness…there had been you. You had thought me how to dream. This time I’d tried to build tower of dreams…a never ending dream. I made plans everywhere. I blew wishes in the air. I showered you with so much love and attention. I had given you the best of what I am. You had given me your heart in return.

I had you…I thought I did.

“I’m willing to lend you everything, including my heart”.

An undemanding line I will never forget. I articulated this the very first time we had our serious talk. I remember your eyes…those eyes I’ll never put out of my mind. I remember the glow…the silent sound of laughter. I remember the promise…I kept my word. I even gave you my heart instead of just lending it. You had my heart. I wanted to go back 10 months ago. I wanted to move 100 times to the rear…so that I will not be seeing your sad face. I will not be bearing in mind the looks of a confused man. I will not be feeling this torture.

The rain had never stopped.

It touches my heart completely. I chose to come out of this cast off vehicle. I plead for you not to come near me. I watched you inside the vehicle. You watched me standing in the rain. I was faking a smile. The rain had never stopped and my tears won’t ever end. I’ll be hiding these tears in the rain… so you won’t be anymore confused. You saved me from darkness and it’s time to return the favor. This cast off vehicle will be the only witness of LOVE VS FAITH story. Your faith ended my fairy tale. The battle is over. I fought fairly and had been defeated. This time I bleed…my soul bleeds.

I’ll be borrowing Popoy’s famous line. “You had me at my best, and you chose to break my heart”…

I’ll be singing sad songs again…

There’ll be darkness again…

para

boni na
bababa na ako
salamat sa byahe
nahilo ako
nasuka
ang malala
nasaktan
salamat na din
happy trip