vindictive

The sad little me…with a sad little thoughts…in this big big vindictive world


I hate the stars tonight…the moon and the stars are just but loud liars.

I found myself building my own space for sanctuary, away from the crowd. I feel better off this way. The deafening silence has been with me all the time. I refused to talk with anybody, besides they won’t give me answers to my never ending questions. I let them feel I am in the state of losing my sense of hearing. I refused to listen to them; because if I did, I would continue feeling this agony…if I did, I would end up hurting my poor heart again and again…then I could die! I will surely die. I was desperate…I know I was. It breaks my heart every time I blew wishes in the air. I know none of them will ever come true. I hate this crazy odd feeling…it corrupts my empty brain. It made me even weaker. It kills me…

I’ll be counting more years…another heartbreaking year…more tears and more pains. There’ll be another ghost story to reveal…another lonely soul, another empty me. I never stop building my own world…my heaven on earth…my utopia in this universe. I feel like I’m a prisoner trapped in this empty jail. Yes…I feel like I’m free though my hands are on chains.

Did I ever confess I am dying to have Adam Sandler’s remote control? Just so I could edit my damn crazy life? Just so I could move forward to the happy days, and escape the times I could have been mourning with the fact that I am not ever contented with the way I designed my life. This was all sort of a fraud. How I wished I could have that same remote so I could skip those days when my background music was all but heart-breaking sounds. I wish I could not be hearing this same old song that smashed my soul apart. How I wish I could have that remote so I could delete your presence. With that I may not be feeling this agony. Without you I may have not be like this…a modern day zombie.

I had been too busy minding this emotional wound, so I failed to see the beauty of life. I couldn’t even write something good about my life. Was there any? I refused to write happy ending stories, because truth of the matter…happiness for me doesn’t exist. I mean it does, but then you left…then there was darkness.

Again I am writing down my thoughts…my sad thoughts…this sad poetry…


Haven't seen the blue sky lately,
Darkness keeps on haunting me,
And you were like a ghost…
I see you even on my dreams
Your memories stay behind this dark empty place
I can still feel you, though you’re nowhere near.
Haven’t heard your famous song today,
Those lines that never fades,
And the voice I know I can’t embrace…
Each time my soul feels such wretchedness,
Each time my heart feels so much barrenness
And each night my cries became worthless.
Haven’t seen your crazy smile,
That passionate look in your eyes,
That extreme stare you used to give,
I’ve never felt that crazy odd feeling again
I’ve lost my smile…
You took it away…
And I will never felt those feelings again…
I will never have my blue skies back,
I will never hear you singing again,
I will never see your smile; I will never smile again…
I will be building a world of my own…
I will be leaving the world of the living…
I surrender…

I hate the stars. None of my wishes did ever come true.