JETAIME PRINCESS

unedited
short story ko nung first year college. dami grammatical errors. ang saya. nyahaha

"I chose to love you in silence for in silence I found no rejection, in silence no one owns you but I"

My life has never been better ever since I felt this guilt. It kills me. It was eating my body, my brain, my poor heart. It was like a dagger to my soul. It was like hell living here alone, living with fears. I hear voices everywhere. It was a loud scream of emptiness...of hatred...of denial. I would never feel any better if I continue listening to what my heart dictates because if I did, the pain would continue to eat my entirety. If I did, you would hate me and I would blow my chance again...my chance of having you.

I would always stay at the AMS lobby whenever the clock pointed at five, because I know you would be passing again...but with your boyfriend. I feel satisfied admiring you in a distance. I feel very much satisfied seeing you wearing your conservative outfits. I feel very much attracted every time you flip your long black hair. Your smile was irresistible and although it was not for me, I would love to carry it into my favorite sanctuary, the bench nearby. Your morena complexion compliments your angelic face. I would always have my eyes with you until you're comfortably seated at the exclusive tambayan.

Who would not admire a conservative beauty queen? Who would not be impressed with your scholastic standing? Who would not love a down to earth person? Who would not wish to have you? Who would not feel the way I feel for you? Nobody...yet nobody would also dare to pursue you, even me. I must admit, I have fallen for you the first time we met. There seem to be no day I didn't wish to see you. I became obsessed on knowing your whereabouts. And oh I remember I haven't taken my midterm exam just to see you have your farewell walk as the reigning beauty queen in one of the most prestigious beauty title at school. It really sounds absurd but its true. I am really crazy for you!

I haven't got the courage to stand on what I feel, it was a sort of a wishful thinking. You seem to be a dream and an air. I could not touch you. I could just look at your angelic face. I could just whisper "I love this girl". I could not own you because you belong to somebody else. You belong to him...my great dear best friend. Sorrowful, isn't it? I have loved a girl whom I know would never be mine at all. It would be too impossible for her to fall for me. I was not like my best friend. I don't have any fancy car or even fashionable clothes to wear. All I have are these thick-disgusting eyeglasses. With that I would never have the chance of being with you. You wouldn't also dare to love me.

Just when I thought fate would not allow us to be together it did. It was one fine evening when I saw you sitting on my favorite bench. I was surprised to see you with a somber face. I was not going to come nearer 'till you asked me to sit with you. Without any hesitation you told me that Marco, my best friend was cheating on you.

"My boyfriend cheated on me"
"Did my best friend really did that?"

I remember you were really shock upon hearing that Marco was my best friend

"He is your best friend?"
"Yeah, of course you would not believe me because were quite opposite, but that's the truth"
"How come he never introduced me to you?"
"I asked him not to…I was too shy to meet a beauty queen"

After mentioning the word beauty queen you laughed unconvincingly and I got carried away. After that night we have been constantly meeting on that same bench where you cried your heart out. It was then the fulfillment of a long dream-that of being with you. Then one day I just woke up in reality, we can never really be together. I saw you with Marco and I knew everything was fine between the two of you. I guess my only consolation is that finally Marco had formally introduced me to you.

"You've met Mickey, right?"
"Of course" she quipped

I could have allowed every tear to flow freely in my eyes but I didn't. They should not know what I feel. I must cover up the pain. I must live in pretensions. I am not ready to hear your silly laugh. I am not ready to face humiliation. For too many reasons I am not ready to face any failure. Just when I thought I could keep my long time secret, I failed. It was raining so hard, I was so wet and I needed a place to dry up and keep my body warm. Marco's boarding house was not that far from where I am standing at, so then I hurriedly went to his place. I excitedly opened his room's door when I saw him holding my journal.

"Where did you get that thing?!"
"I found it in your locker"
"You stole it?"
"Hey whats the big deal? Are you mad because I found out your secret love…God, you’re in love with my girl friend?!"
"You're not supposed to read that!"
"Come on. I know you're secret, and I would tell her. You're crazy. She would never fall for a nerd!"

That was the last word that came out from his mouth. He have ventured too much insult and for that I vowed revenge.

I am currently watching you at a distance. Although your face were covered with tears, you still look like a beauty queen you would always be the princess in my fantasy...my princess. Yet a prince could not allow her princess to cry-to mourn for a dead person. But then she did, and for that the feeling of guilt eats my body. It was that painful to see the only girl you have loved cry for somebody else. Its too painful to know I had killed my best friend in exchange of this damn unrequited love. Surprising but I did. I kill Marco, not only because he ventured insult upon me but also because he was a rival.

It was two years since his mysterious death. Two years and still you haven't knew I was crazy for you. I could not take another year. I could not let another dagger to my soul. I would have to finish my long fantasy, tomorrow you would never see me and I would end all this craziness. I might as well be contented adoring you in a distance. So that, nobody would know my own share of pain. You would never know I love you!

I died listening to the mourning of my princess...